Happy 21st, Me.

Siapa permata, dan siapa kaca.

I mixed them up, now I know better.

Happy Birthday, Me :)

3 More Years.

Three to four more years and I am gone, InsyaAllah. Lord please give me the courage, strength and determination (and Your blessings) for me to be able to do the only thing that I have ever dreamed of doing :)

Have a good Monday everybody!

Must… Find… Self…

Photo by onkel_wart

I don’t have a favourite place.
I don’t have a favourite number.
I don’t have a favourite day.
Nor do I have a favoured color.

I don’t have a favourite friend.
I don’t have a specific hobby.
I don’t know what to do tomorrow.
What do I know of having an identity?

I can do a million and one things.
And I’ve yet to find my calling in one.
I still don’t understand who I am.
And already I am turning twenty one.

What do I like?
Love?
Dislike?
Hate?

Who am I?
Who was I?
Who will I be?
Where will I be?

So many questions…
but I don’t quite know where to find the answers.
sigh.

Membawa Diri.

Bie… I nak pergi overseas lagi… I penat…

Bring me somewhere for our 2nd year anniversary, please sayang?

Minutes to Midnight.

Things have been happening lately in my life. I would have loved to be able to say that everything’s been dandy and that I have been constantly living in a perpetual high, but sadly that is not the case. The best part is that I could have been in that scenario above, if I had chosen to make the right decisions last year, last month, last week or even yesterday.

I constantly forget that the only outcome of choosing the easy way out is a fuck up of a probable opportunity in the future. If I could just find a way to remind myself this at every single moment where I choose to sleep instead of wake, stroll instead of run, dream instead of live, perhaps I would not have this thought in my head. Because then, like they say, all the stars would have aligned and the only entity able to hinder my way is God Himself.

I have got to stop letting myself go.

On another note, this coming Sunday is one that I will be looking forward to tremendously, one spent in the company of someone that I have neither been spending time with nor spoken to in a ridiculous period of time – me.

It has been too long a time, actually, that I cannot even recall the emotions that stir at the thought of a whole day of just idly sipping hot tea, watching life go by behind the glass cocoon that I have hidden myself in, as the buzz of the world dies off in a simple flick of a finger. In fact, I cannot even begin to place myself in that same atmosphere that I used to live off a couple of years back; the thought of it both excites and scares me at the same time – Will I still enjoy it? Will it feel the same? Will I be able to live for months again without it?

Things I will need to reenact the past scenarios :

1. $20 for a whole day’s stay at a (still undecided) cafe.
2. Suitable playlist in the iPod, to the likes of Yuna, Mocca and Zee Avi.
3. Something to do which will occupy my time and invigorate my mind.

Back when I was schooling, #3 will always be studying, or the art of trying to study – You know, when you spent the whole day flipping from page 1 to page 50, and at the end of the day the only thing that you have really taken notice of was how cute the guy at the table behind is, and how you are so fucked up for the test that is happening the very next day? Bet you identify perfectly with that.

But this Sunday, this Sunday I will be getting dirty with my MBP, and it is something that has been keeping me in lively spirits all week despite the several bad news that has been slung around. So if anyone has any suggestions for #2 (songs which will fit in that playlist) and #3 (great programmes etc to install on the MBP), do drop me a comment. It will be much appreciated.

Have a great weekend everyone :)

Running away from one’s problems.

A Brand New Day, originally uploaded by Thomas Hawk.

Earlier last night at 10pm, as my heart laid heavy against my chest, I suddenly thought running might help. I rummaged through the shelves and being unable to find my running shoes, I put on a pair of Jack Purcells and started out into the night.

For the next 45 minutes, I alternated between sprinting and brisk walking as traffic went by me, the sounds of Yuna accompanying my every move. With every step that kissed the gravel, I could feel sweat trickling down my neck and onto my back and it reminded me how not long ago, I used to do this every single day until laziness got the better of me.

The bad news is that once I entered my home, I realized that running away did not help at all. Everything remained the way it was; the world had frozen during that 45 minutes I was seeking solace and now it has thawed out to reveal everything that it was.

I still feel sad, I still feel lonely and I still feel lost.

The good news is, I feel so damn exhausted that I think sleep should come easy tonight. By tomorrow morning, 7 hours would have passed and by then, perhaps even frozen hearts would have thawed out to welcome a brand new day.

Ramble.

It’s been a while since I last rambled, isn’t it? Can I ramble today? Will you all bear with me?

Pre-note : Contains Islamic contents.

Remember Faddy, life is all about the journey. You don’t have to worry about the beginning or the end. Everything that happens tomorrow is not and will never be in your control. So live the best as it is everyday, and do what you set out to do and what makes you happy.

I think… having God back in my life in a greater proportion then ever is helping in many ways from the inside. It has been a month since I have really made an effort to be a better Muslim and looking back, I humbly admit that I had lost my way. It’s hard trying to get back to the right path and I keep falling off and having to start back right from the beginning, but I guess it’s all part of the learning journey.

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Protected: Bingung.

Protected: My Baby Love.

Solemnisation!

The day after the Makan Kaki outing, I rushed over to my cousins’ wedding held at Changi Fairy Point Chalet No.7. The chalet was so huge I would call it a bungalow, and it sits atop a hill overlooking the sea. Damn chio!

As of all weddings, every one played their part in assisting to make sure everything would run smoothly. On the 7th, we were all briefed about our roles – from dish washing to reception (me!) – and on the 8th, everyone were kept running about making sure all the guests feel comfortable.

But of course, all work but no play makes Jack a dull boy, and the wedding itself was littered with classic moments where everyone would be found roaring with laughter, regardless of the fact that a lot of us were exhausted from carrying out our duties. So tired, that I found my cousin Firdaus sleeping on the floor right smack in the middle of the kitchen.

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