Kumar at 3 Monkeys! (M18)

Posted: January 23rd, 2009 | Author: faddy | Filed under: Dear Diary | Comments Off

(Blogger’s note : Some mature jokes in content, please read at your own discretion, thank you!)

The night began late for me – 930pm, in fact – as I had had a rather tiring day before that and wanted to catch some sleep first before becoming a night owl. Upon reaching Orchard, I was pleasantly surprised to know that the four kids above had already paid for my dinner at Seoul Garden :) Thanks guys!

By the way, did you know that the whole ‘finish your food or get fined‘ thing at Seoul Garden is a LIE? Confirmed by one of the staff himself, yo! (Of course, this does not mean that you should take a mountain of food and not eat them… like the 3 guys above did. Ish ish ish! Membazir tu bang!)

An hour later, we took the car and traveled to the Orchard Towers area as we have made reservations for 10:45pm. And oh boy were we glad that we made reservations, because by the time we entered at around 10:50pm, the whole bar was already packed to the brim, our table being the only one left unoccupied.

At 11pm, the above two babes strutted on stage and danced / lip-synced to a number. I felt pretty bad for the bigger-sized one, as throughout the whole show, every time she came on stage, her size would be the food for comedy for both Kumar and the thinner babe above.

But I guess, the very fact that she was up there, wearing a skimpy outfit, dancing around like nobody’s business and willingly let herself be the food for laughter in the skit, speaks volumes as to the amount of confidence that is in her – something which even I am not sure I will be capable of.

(Notice I am writing the gender words in italics, because I am a bit confused as to their sexual make up hehe.)

Not long after, Kumar strutted out, thin and vogue as ever, and that’s when the spillage of dirty and racist (but some really smart) jokes begun. We were not allowed to record videos, thus I am unable to share with you the classic ROFL moments, but off the top of my head, here are some jokes which I can remember:-

Upon seeing a row of 3 persons sitting in this order – Indian Man, Chinese Lady, Chinese Man :-

Hey so you two (referring to both the Chinese persons) a couple? No? Oh! She’s with him (the indian man)? Oooh! Indian man and chinese lady… You like them big don’t you? I know he’s got a big one. I don’t even have to look at his crotch, I can see the stretchmarks on your cheeks all the way from here!

Describing a certain someone in the political circle:-

You know what he’s like? He’s like that small little poop remaining that just refuses to drop off. No matter how much you shake or wiggle or squirm, he will just cling on and refuse to go away!

Of people with mixed parentage:-

You know ah, lucky our minister V is a Chinese and Indian combination. So his IC can reflect “Chindian”. Can you imagine if he’s a Chinese and Bhai combination? His IC will read “Chibai”!

Talking about ways smokers can calculate 5 metres without using any rulers:-

You know, the Malay guys can just unzip their pants and wham it’s already 4.5m. If the officer comes up to them for the shortage of 0.5m, they can just say, “Dah sunat lah bang!“

For the Chinese men, sorry, you can’t use this tactic. You wham wham wham until tomorrow also cannot reach 5m.

Hahaha! I admit for the most part, that Kumar’s jokes are crude and can even be considered rude (trust me, the above 4 examples are pretty mild compared to the other things he said that night). But I guess, that’s all part of his attraction. People come to see him and hear these things about themselves and to laugh it off.

A show like Kumar’s can only be appreciated if you are open-minded, easy-going, have a warped sense of humor, and are able to laugh at yourself :) For uptight persons, I suggest you keep away else you’ll get a in-your-face comment of “Oh, go home! You are so anal!” from Kumar himself (which was what happened to a certain Eurasian that night).

During the 15 minutes intermission, Anz and I headed out to the ladies. As it was our first time at the area, we were unsure of it’s location and thus overshot and ended up in front of the gent’s. While we were retracting our steps back to the ladies’, this Eurasian guy (who saw the whole thing) walked up to us, touched the door of the ladies’ and said “That’s right, this is the ladies’. I can help you if you want.“

One… two… three. GROSS.

To further add on to that, when Anz and I were washing our hands at the sink whilst chatting away about some random stuff, this transvestite who was in the cubicle suddenly stood on the toilet bowl’s seat, peeked at us, and after satisfying her curiosity for god knows what, settled back in the cubicle.

Very weird area, this Orchard Towers. Me is never going back there again, what with all the prostitutes and expatriates or tourists on the prowl for one night stands. Just felt very… out of place? Hmm… Actually, DAMN RIGHT I SHOULD FEEL THAT WAY, hahahaha!!

But this place we went to next, this place I don’t mind going to again and again – the Marina Barrage. The five of us did not talk much in the silence of the night as we were all busy tinkering with all our own cameras, but it was still a night well spent as I felt that I got to know Anz’s boyfriend much better :)

So yup that’s my Kumar Night Out. Go watch the show at least once if you haven’t (if you fit the criteria written above, that is), because it’s sure to make you laugh out loud. Fridays and Saturdays, 11pm at the 3 Monkeys.

(P/s. For all the concerned aunts / uncles / cousins reading, my mom knows of my whereabouts that night, thank you hehe.)