On the first evening of Ramadhan, I concede defeat and have finally accepted the fact that it will no longer be the same between the two of us.

I will now try my very best to devote my love and time to the All-Merciful during Ramadhan. For now I truly understand that everyone, even the people you love dearly with all your heart, disappoint. It is only God who doesn’t.

Please give me the strength.

Today, Haikal has made it official that it is over between me and him. It is funny how a week ago I thought we were really working and sorting things out. But last night, in a strange coincidence, some hidden truths managed to bubble to the surface and create a disturbance to the ‘peaceful’ truce we had.

I shall tell the truth and admit that I am hurting, so much. For the past week, I stripped myself off any ego I had and was adamant on making things work. But I guess life has better things in store for me, for the time being.

I still love him, I do. I love him so much so that all I want is for him to find his happiness and contentment in life, and if it does not lie with me, so be it. In any case, I do not hold any grudges against him for walking away, nor do I hold high hopes that he will return.

It was not a relationship that I regret having, although there are things which happened that I regret. Things which I could have done or could have avoided doing, perhaps things which might have led us to a different conclusion than of the one we have today.

Whatever it is, I just want all the people who care for me, to know that I am okay. I am sad, yes, but I am not depressed. Life has to go on, and I have faith that everything that happens, happens for a reason and will always, always be for the better.

And to you, Haikal, if you’re reading this, like I told you last night, I’ll always be in the room sitting and smiling, watching you unlock that door and walk off. The door is always open if you have found your peace and wish to return. Even if that is not the case, I hope you give that last gift I placed on your doorstep tonight a chance. It will help answer many questions in your heart and mind…

As for me, I think I stumbled across another love greater then I ever thought possible. Alhamdulillah. Please let me not lose this love too…